Chapter 28, part 3
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Kendra pulled back and looked at him, eyes rounded and glassy with rising animosity.
Isaac, you - can't - have her. After everything... we still have to come back to this?
Isaac, insulted by her refusal, looked up and stared hard at her, his face tightened with discontent.
What is this, exactly? You offer me anything... then deny me the one thing I ask. What sort of incentive is this for me to help you?
Kendra, though visibly flustered by his still apparent lack of understanding, simply sighed with a hint of despair in her voice, knowing now, as much as she dreaded to, that she had no choice but to hand him the truth he sought.
Isaac... I can't bring her back.
He paused and stared her down, unable to trust her words and peering inside of her to search for any sign she might feel otherwise.
You can't... or you won't?
She frowned and stepped back.
Nicole is not here, Isaac. She isn't real anymore. You've been chasing a ghost all this time. She is now nothing more than a malignant memory; an emotional tumor that's consuming everything about you. She is the one thing that is holding you back from your freedom, Isaac. And she's the one thing keeping me out.
She lowered her head, desperately fending off her ascending urge to erupt and shatter his fragile balance with vile retorts. Again, she took a deep breath and Isaac could see her frame shudder from the effort it took.
Oh, Isaac... I know... I know she would make you happy. And that's what I want... for you to be happy. If I could bring her back for you, even as much as I hate her for the trouble she's caused, I would. I really would, Isaac. But I'm not omnipotent. I can't control everything. There are limits to what I can do. I can only bring back those within my field - those who are influenced and fall to me. However, she never did. She had already committed suicide before then. She was long gone before I ever touched her. I can't bring back the dead, Isaac. Not unless I can get to them before they die. If I don't, then I can only have their empty vessels.
Isaac looked down with widened eyes glossing over, mortified by the gruesome, terminal confirmation of Nicole's fate. Though her final message to him had seemed real enough in itself, still, he did not ever want to believe it. He still fought against all odds that somehow, somewhere, she was there. She was always there. And when he had first realized so long ago that he harbored the Hive Mind, when he realized he could even bend the forces of time itself at his will, he had been so confident that hope had finally rained down upon him in a providential flood to fulfill his desire. Even now he still refused to compromise. But as the walls of his repressive ignorance imminently crumbled around him, he began to realize with a staggering sorrow that his slowly waning hope was now truly, finally vanquished.
Besides... even if I could bring her back, it still wouldn't work. You can't do it, Isaac. A vessel can never, ever be distracted. In order for us both to survive, I have to have explicit trust and control. A safekeeper that is focused on anything other than keeping us whole is reckless, and though I can get in, I cannot bond. And when that happens, not only does it mean certain death for the vessel, but it accelerates that process. You're not mentally stable, Isaac. And that's why you're dying. As powerful as you are, your demented sickness for her has created a barrier that is preventing me from completing what I need to do; it's a serious incompatibility that is blocking me, and one that is slowly killing you. If you're to be my safekeeper, then I need every last part of you. You cannot be diverted by anything. You have to her go. You have to. You can't have it both ways.
The corners of her face slackened, and Isaac thought he detected a very faint hint of compunction behind her ominous facade. She shook her head, put her hands nervously on her hips as she tried to relieve her unsettling sense of regret and fought back flustered tears.
I didn't realize you were... ill... when I found you. If I would have known... I would have just left you be. But, I wanted you, Isaac. I wanted so much to know what it's like to be a human, to be like you. The opportunity came, and I took it without regard for the consequences. Once I figured out what was wrong with you, still, I didn't think that your persistent desire for her would be able to overcome my influence. I didn't realize that in your condition you wouldn't be able to handle this properly, and my power only exacerbated your sickness... it drove you completely mad. And that's when this all started. That's when you stole my ability, and foolishly tried to use it for yourself. Then once you figured out what you could actually do, you started with the time dilations, trying to escape me, trying to keep me from stopping you. All because you wanted to find her. But you never could, and you just kept trying over and over again. And every time you started things over, I again had to try to stop you from reaching that point. I tried to control you, but I failed, Isaac. I failed every time, because you always managed to get the upper hand over me. All because of this twisted, unsatisfied fire burning within you. I've finally realized that no matter how hard I try, until you make the choice to accept me, there is nothing I can do. I made a mistake. A mistake that I can't take back without destroying you. I caused us both a lot of grief... and I'm so sorry for that. I made an honest mistake. But I'm here now, and we can only move forward. I am attached to you Isaac, and I cannot let you go. My only option now is to try to convince you to see things from my perspective, to prove to you that your undivided devotion to me can be even more fantastic than you imagine... and to hope you wholeheartedly accept me. I'm willing to give you whatever you want to make this work - whatever I can actually give. But you have to accept me, Isaac. You have to, or you're dead, and I'm trapped. I don't want to be forced back into that Marker, Isaac. It's so cold in there. So cold and lifeless... soulless. I can't go back. I won't go back.
She raised a hand and loosely draped her fingers across her face, unable to continue as she viciously fought against her failing composure. Turning away from him, Kendra darted her troubled eyes around the room. After a quiet moment of deep deliberation, knowing without a doubt that this was her last chance to appeal to him, she turned back around again, her face now coated with an unspeakable fear of denial. She tilted her head towards him and wrapped her arms softly around his shoulders, her pleading whispers trespassing slowly across the back of his skull, and she peered into his eyes with a fanatically obsessed countenance that Isaac had before now recognized only in himself.
Isaac, I'm going to ask you one last time. Please. I love you. God, I love you. I would be lost without you. Please, I'm begging you. I fall at your feet. Don't leave me here. I need you, safekeeper. It's time, Isaac. It's time you made good on your promise. Make us whole. At least, give us that.
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